Thanks Southwest! (Or, Representation Matters)

What a well-written adoption article.

Holding to the Ground

Woman and man checking out at department storyI have two very different stories of Southwest Airlines. In 2006, one of their employees tried to have us arrested for not having a piece of paper their Customer Service rep told me we didn’t need. (The captain intervened, got the paper, and we went home.) In 2011, they were the only airline that would allow us to change a ticket without a fee. You see, when you adopt, you don’t always know when you have to fly. That makes reservations rather difficult. We were able to book a random flight date on Southwest, the call a CSR and have her flag the tickets as “for adoption.” So, when we called to change that ticket because we had gotten a text message at 6 a.m. saying, “The baby here,” we didn’t have to pay a change fee, or the difference in fare. And when ICPC finally cleared (remind me to…

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The Pendulum Swings – Adoption comes Full Circle

The Goodbye Baby

Hollywood Adoption: Photo found on

When I was adopted at the end of WWII, it was top secret. A stigma, at least in my adoptive parents’ circle, was attached to not being able to give birth to your own children. Adoption was considered a last resort. It was invisible. In large measure because of celebrity adoptions, nowadays adoption has gone public. It is seen as a viable way of forming a family. In sharp contrast to the era during which I was adopted, people who adopt children are more likely to be admired than spurned.

Celebrity adoptions have helped transform attitudes toward adoption. Magazines and newspapers feature photographs of movie stars holding adopted children. Often these little ones were adopted internationally.  Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, for example, have several children of their own and three from other countries (Cambodia, Ethiopia and Vietnam). Madonna’s tots are from…

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Today I went to a Funeral

Speak Up for #CitizenshipForAllAdoptees — Red Thread Broken

Originally posted on common ground: The Child Citizenship Act of 2000 (CCA 2000) was passed with the intention of providing automatic U.S. citizenship for international adoptees. It has, however, a serious loophole: its provisions do not apply to adoptees who were 18 year of age or older when it went into effect on February 27,…

via Speak Up for #CitizenshipForAllAdoptees — Red Thread Broken

DWLA Wishes You a Happy Hanukkah!!!

And for a wonderful Hanukkah 2013!!!!!!!!!!

Don't We Look Alike?


Hanukkah begins at sundown tonight and lasts for eight nights.  If you celebrate the holiday, enjoy your latkes and sufganiyot (fried filled doughnuts).


Luanne and Marisha

P.S.  For adoptees with holiday “issues,” here’s an article to show you’re not alone.

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NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams – The Lost Children

This blog post shares a link to the NBC story about “re-homing” (ridiculous word!!!) of international adoptees.

Adopted from China

NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams – The Lost Children

International adoptees who have been “re-homed” are featured in this national news story from Kate Snow. 

This story is so sad, but I am glad that adoption stories like these are being featured nationally. It is important to bring awareness to some of the darker aspects of adoption. Not every story will have a happy ending once an adoptee is placed in a home. 

I cannot imagine facing the same situation as Nora Gateley, the interviewee who was adopted from China. Parents who wish to adopt need to understand and accept the responsibilities they will have once they bring a child into their home. If they are not ready to deal with the consequences of parenting and adopting, they should not become parents. 

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The Choice Myth

Robyn’s latest post addresses the issue of “choice.”

Holding to the Ground

When prospective adoptive parents start specifying what they want in a child, there are people who like to say, “But if you were having a baby, biologically, you wouldn’t get that choice.” I already wrote about what PAPs get to do in adoption. Today, I’d like to look at the choices that biological parents have in pregnancy.

Let’s look at what adoptive parents get to specify when they adopt:

  • Age
  • Race
  • Gender
  • Substance exposure
  • Family health and mental health history
  • Certain special needs (deaf, blind, cerebral palsy, and so on)
  • Circumstances under which the child was conceived (rape, incest, prostitution, unknown birthfather)

Let’s look at what biological parents get to specify when they have a biological child.

Age. If you’re choosing to have a child biologically, you’re pretty certain that you will have a baby. I don’t know of anyone who has birthed a 5-year old.

Race. If you…

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The elephant in the room: Poverty and adoptable children

A very thought-provoking post by Menomama3 . . .

Son’s Big Day

fostadoptfoibles’ description of ADHD is brilliant. If you know someone with ADHD you won’t want to miss this post.


For all his challenges, Son’s full of surprises, as is any kid, I suppose.  One recent day proved to us he possessed an ability we thought was rather scarce in his world.  Let me tell you about Son’s Big Day.

As some of you who are familiar with ADHD know, absolutely everything is fascinating.  Trouble is, it’s all fascinating, all at once, always.  The first time we took Son into Manhattan I thought he was going to explode.  We weren’t even in that exciting of a neighborhood, but there was so much stimulation occurring he literally became dizzy.  You and I might not think about it, but any kid on his first trip to the Big City’s going to be a Jackson Pollock painting.  For Son, it was a JP painting in a spin dryer.  Take, for instance, First Avenue.  All sorts of vehicles on it.  Most of us just…

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Are We Famished for Family?

The Goodbye Baby

In a recent issue of Psychology Today, Stephen Betchen, Ph.D., contributed an article titled “Why Adoptees Need to Find Their Biological Parents.” He states that adult adoptees “just seem to have an internalized nomadic notion that we don’t belong anywhere in particular. Even when we do settle somewhere we often work our asses off to prove our worthiness — just in case anyone gets any ideas about putting us back up for adoption.”

He further points out that many adopted children feel that “they need to embark on a biological search even if they had a positive experience with their adopted parents.”

Betchen, himself an adoptee, hit the nail on the head for this particular “lost daughter.” I had a very positive experience with my adoptive parents, but it’s also true that the urge to have blood relatives, DNA-related family, has always gnawed away in the back of my mind…

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